See Ya Later Herman

A formal farewell to my brain tumor

At long last, it is time to bid good riddance to Herman and close down the indie.removes.herman email account. It is hard for me to believe that over a month has passed since my surgery and yet oddly it is almost like it never happened (emphasis is on almost). I feel fabulous and have indeed learned to take every day as a gift. I can honestly say I start each day with a huge smile and meet it with both enthusiasm and gratitude. Yes, of course I have my moments, I am human; however, it’s infinitely easier for me to take stock of how precious life is and GET OVER IT. Prior to this year, the opposite was true for me. I would spend more time ruminating over things I can’t change or that I have no control over, or at least thought I had control over but didn’t. As the saying goes, don’t sweat the small stuff, and it is all small stuff! My goodness, how true those words are.

Now to the good part…They were absolutely, positively successful in removing the entire mass. The issue was, that it (like me) was not your normal run of the mill tumor – duh, who would think I’d do something as boring as that. They are relatively certain (nothing in life is 100% except death…and taxes) that this was caused by a rare autoimmune brain disease – which could be environmentally related. The scary part is that it was indeed growing and my demise was certain had I not had the surgery (give or take 6 months). Yeah, FREAKY SCARY.

So what to do from here in terms of treatment you ask? Nada Mucha. Such a shame, I was so enjoying my frequent visits to doctors who like to stick me with needles. For those of you who don’t know my history with needles, let me just say that I opted to have my children naturally without drugs rather than have a needle stuck in my back. Once again, I digress – and maybe provided a little too much info. All I will need to do is have my blood taken regularly. I will also have to have regular MRIs. [Dayna – I’m looking into having my ipod with me so you don’t need to block out the next 50 years for MRIs. You will of course need to block out the next 50+ years for friendship.] Yes, Dayna and I will be up to our normal bag of tricks for years to come. I honestly don’t know if the world is ready for us. My neurosurgeon and neuro-endocrinologist have assured me that I have no reason to believe that I won’t have a LONG, happy, healthy and extraordinary life. Key here is not normal – who wants to be normal when you can live it up and be extraordinary?

So what is next? Like ya think I didn’t have a plan? Well, some of it I will keep to myself so you can enjoy the journey with me. Yes, I will continue to write. After much prodding and confidence building by many of you, I have decided to keep writing and put it up on my personal blog to keep you entertained. More importantly, my business has launched, inspired by my nephew Max and Herman. I am so proud of the company I am building…and if I can allow myself the shameless plug…I am proud of myself – I finally listened to my inner circle of confidants and not my negative inner voice and got out of my own way. Sometimes the fear of success can be just as powerful as the fear of failure. Yes, you can quote me.

Again and for the last time the Thank You segment of my email – I need to thank my family …yeah, I know the last 6 months kinda sucked…thank you for loving me and supporting each other through this when I needed to try and figure it all out. C – I know this was way more than you ever bargained for and I know the stress was at some times unbearable, so thank you for keeping it together and being the mom and dad to the kids when I needed to recover and couldn’t be. Joelle – I have to say publicly that I do treasure you and our growing friendship; I wouldn’t want to fumble through life without you! and thank you for Max – my Divine inspiration. Dayna – speechless, you leave me speechless…you put your life on hold for months and made sure a day didn’t go by without letting me know you would be there till the end of this…Psych – now you’re stuck for so many more years of me and my crap. Mar – my BFFFF and strongest cheerleader – I look forward to lifetime of fun and success for us both. Susan – I can’t imagine what coming out of the hospital without you and your love would have been like. My rapid recovery is so much due to your care…now we both get to have some fun together for years to come. The gals of South Salem – a better group of woman that supports each other selflessly could not be found. Craig and Matt – yeah, I’m going here…boys if someone told me 3 years ago that two of my dearest friends would be young enough to my kids I would have laughed, the two of you and your friendship/love for me and my well being is nothing short of a bond between mother and child…you will forever be in my life. Sonia – I could not imagine coming home to a house without you, you remind me every day why life is worth living (Emily and Jacob). Friends and Family not singled out…I could go on and on and on because each and everyone on this email touched my heart and life in so many ways I couldn’t express on paper – by the way did I mention I need cookies on a continual basis (you know who you are). Last but NOT least, some of you have also asked not to be singled out in the true “Indie” style and I totally respect that – just know what you have given me and taught me about life and myself is something that I will forever hold dear. I have no regrets and in the end only amazing memories and life lessons from this entire experience.

Although they are too young to read this now, I need to say a separate thank you to Jacob and Emily. I love you both. You two are everything to me and the reason I know that life is worth living every day to the fullest. You are the driving force behind all that I want to accomplish … but please know that no matter what I do in my future the two of you will always be my finest accomplishment.

So friends and family it is with a full heart and a “perma-grin” that I say goodbye to Herman and Hello to My Life! And remember Only Good Things to Come. Oh screw it….Only Amazing, Fabulous, Brilliant and FUN Things to Come. With Love and a huge ass smile, Indie